you held me in the backseat of my mom’s car while i cried about my body. you refused to touch me if it made me shake. you left when i needed you to, but wouldn’t ask you to. you took me on my first vacation. you gave me another family. remember the sunset on the way home? i’ve never felt more love than that. you made me laugh when i didn’t want to. made me smile when i didn’t know how. you thought there was no one in this world better than me. you saw me when i tried to hide. when i didn’t want to lean on you, you told me to. you promised me you would always be there for me to lean on you.
you left me when everyone else had already left. when you promised you wouldn’t. you left me for her, who tormented you and drove you crazy—when all i wanted to do was love you. you left me to die when i told you i wanted it to be over. you watched me cry and scream and pour poison in me from the grief you caused – and did nothing. you came back… eventually. you came back and scarred my broken, bruised body for a second time. you came back to to make me feel pity over not trusting the man who broken me in two. you came back to make me feel shame over not trusting the man who broke me. you came back to make me fall in love with you – so you could break my already broken pieces again. you left the shattered pieces on the ground, so you could fuck her? so you could fuck her, her, and her? so you could start a family with a girl you didn’t know. you looked at my broken pieces and wanted more wreckage. even the second time wasn’t enough for you. you wanted to wreck the world.
the flames are dying down. the love is faded away. the pain is a part of me – but it isn’t who i am, not anymore. i won’t let it be. i won’t let you turn me into a monster. i broke the cord and broke the chain of loving people who treat you like you’re nothing more than they treat you like you deserve the world. i refuse to live in a love with both.