Never ever would I have thought someone as him to appear. Makes me blush, smile, grin from ear to ear. We have our moments, not even perfect. Keeping our love from public displays. I'd like to keep it this way. From previous experience the abuse I suffered remains to haunt me at times. My life these days I'm keeping the faith. Never ever could this happen, as I thought, felt the feelings brewing inside after several months. I'd ignore it working on me to heal throughout my recovery. I'd talk to him, he'd listen intently. It came natural comfortably. At times his busy lifestyle rarely slowed down until I became his priority. The change in him came through glory. Never ever did I imagine I am the one for him. He knew from the beginning. We're taking life together in sync. The next chapter is to begin.

These tears come from time to time, I'm blind sided sometimes. The hurt, the lonilness I fear. Will it get easier? My heart sinks, I want to sleep. I think back on the years, the memories I hold so dearly. It is all I have. This loss takes over my body. I'm not the only one, others feel it too. I reach to them to pull them near, talk and connect. It makes sense. We all grieve, sink into the lonely. Many don't have families. I must say I'm pretty lucky. Maybe in time the loss won't take over much of my mind. I remain healing, recovering in time. All I have are the memories, the house I grew up in. Soon enough I'll be moving on, such as other's do. I can I understand their pain.

I talk to God in ways many never know.I'm keeping my life a little on the down low. In time family will know as to what's to come. I'll embrace them in any way I can, to protect and honor them. I tell God thank you for all you've done to help me move on. The spark has come so alive and now I'm thriving, living the life.A smile, a grin, beaming not really dreaming. All is in reality. I'm happier where I'm going. God knew all along where I'm meant to be in this world, giving creating a sense of mortality to those in need, and to be a part of it is exciting. I know where I'm going as I remain to talk to God.

An empty room full of memories, there are stories. I remember so well as a little girl grown into a teen to adulthood and all in between. Traditions, vacations, trips on the side. Those were such happy times. Now today as I move on taking the memories with me onto a new life. As I look for what's to come I'll remember how it all began with sunshine the breeze blowing through my blonde hair. The grass I walked on, barefoot in the sand and singing, dancing and acting. Memories of family. I've been blessed along the way. I'm now ready to forge the next chapter of the phase. Life has been good on me yet there are as well dark memories never forgotten. All these memories combined I'm still living the life.

Sitting with her singing church hymns brought such joy a smile across my face. Dancing to the sounds of Springsteen, Jackson too many to name. It is the memories I'll never forget. Rocking to the rhythm ain't stopping me yet. Without a shadow of a doubt life is good, so great with the right people set in place. I'll always have the memories, they don't fade. I'm rocking it my way, ready to start the next phase. The world is wide and I'm making it right. Rocking to the rhythm it's just me now a days. Some will say why even change. I'm living and that's what it is. The good times with her made me feel special, she knew I caused even some trouble. It's not all good and not all bad I have a life I'm meant to have. An angel looking, guiding me along life's path. She always knew what I can have. Parts of me are her, part of me of her daughter. I have him too, the bloodline runs through. I'm rocking it and rhythm just comes, naturally and I'm having some fun.

Strength of a lion, heart of a child, smile of the sun. Nothing more could come undone. Standing with confidence that was once so lost, now a better woman who can conquer it all. She's a queen with beauty within, shining, sparkling again. Nothing nor anyone can touch her, betray her because she lived it knowing now with so much wisdom. Those who understand are her fellow women, champions, warriors who speak such truth, telling their stories. They are quite a feat until they finally meet. It could be anywhere, in person or in a tweet. Their such queens. No matter how other's see us we know who we are, living and breathing. We are all queens.

Only moving along taking it in stride. These days it's my life. Living on prayers on faith combined. I was, have been reminded of what I've done. Some days it doesn't seem enough.This lifestyle so new needing what I need to do. Moving along staying strong, when at times wanting to give up. I keep pressing on. When it comes to be too much I go to him, to her, to another who's got my back. I know it as a matter of fact. I'm only human. I have flaws, bruises and scars, mostly internal none can see. I feel it within me. He's so truly understanding, the man, my only. She's my bad influence my bestie, another who's my reality. I'm still moving along. I'm not you, you know your going through this too. Never alone in this world, we have a common bond and that is always only moving along.

I've never known felt a real kiss upon my lips, never known a love like this. My heart bleeds for him. I tremble at times not knowing when it will be, him and me together. I'm waiting. I was told I'd be loved for who I am not the shape of me, it is who I am internally. Living and breathing all while I'm waiting. I pray, I wish for the day. He's my only. Our bond continues to grow, so much strength in our souls. We have a love no one knows. The connect, the spark, the glow. Unlike the misled love that was once isn't what is now. I'm living and with true magnifying conditional love. It wasn't to be, it merely happened to me. He knew the moment he first saw me. Our love continues to bloom when not even being in the same room. The missing you's, the I love you's, the chats. Those are moments, memories to last. This bond between us is a sign pointing from someone so devine. I'll keep it now till the end of time.

The loneliness, the quiet finds a place I cannot hide from. I find myself at times crying without stopping only sitting in hiding. With no one around I see it's only me on my own living, trying. Without them I'm not sure how I'm getting by. Where are my friends those who I call family. Their living just fine. I'm living a different kind of life. Just these thoughts of mine, these feelings brewing inside. At times I'm dying a little inside, some days I'm doing alright. Living this different kind of life is quite difficult, not my cup of tea. It's the tears no one see's. Around them I appear happy. Will there ever be a happier me. Maybe in time. Right now I'm in hiding. The spark not shining. Numbness takes over me, I isolate avoid the world just want not to be lonely. This new life is reality.

Not little house on the prairie not a mansion with glitz home sweet home is where it is. I'll find it in time till then I'll wait. No castle, no little log cabin, only need me, my man, my little angel so to speak it's all that I need to be happy. Some days simply fly by living in this crazy world of a ride. I want and need my home sweet home. It will give me such pride. Humble beginnings brought me to this place and now I live to make it each day. I think so loudly at times it hurts, burry my head among the sheets wanting it all to go away. I wake up with each single passing day. It's good enough and I'll let be till I have my home sweet home.

Such long days memories of those years tie me down. I drown into sleep then he begins to worry trying to get me to smile. I remind him it's a pattern. He listens takes it all in, pray's, tells me I'm worthy for him. It's not some school day love. We take the time with each other. It matters. This kind of love to last forever. We're complete opposites together we work. Common interests down to every little quirk. We make it work. God made us for one another and that I never knew till it was pointed to me from heaven to earth. Times will be rough, times well enough. He's my protection, my love. No such thing as school day love. He let's me vent my frustrations, reminds me how beautiful I am. This kind of love to endure, it's a reflection of the love and happiness I truly deserve. Our love together. Maybe there is such a thing as happily ever after.

All the chaos the drama silent treatment in between, no one seems to listen to my side of the story. They want to believe what they believe. The truth has come out and it's all on me. I've had enough now I know what needs to be done. Taking life by the reigns showing who I am what lies beneath me. I'm just going to be me. I deserve to be happy. I remember it well. From now on this is what you get. No more sweeping it under the rug. My feelings emotions matter just as anyone. It's all on me. There's reason to believe.